Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
