We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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