dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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