She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
