I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
