woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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