I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
