Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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