its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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