he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
