Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
