Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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