everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
