Cold hands, warm shart.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
