where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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