i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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