from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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