I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
