it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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