I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
