SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
