i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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