lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize