all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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