Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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