New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
