How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my liver is dry heaving
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
