i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
