the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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