I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
