Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
