nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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