If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
