Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
