So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
