Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
