This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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