i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
