Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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