Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
