So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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