WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
