well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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