All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
