If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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