Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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