Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
