Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
