Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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