Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
