we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish i was in the wii world.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
