so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
