Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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