This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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