Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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