I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
