The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
