Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
