i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
