My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you had me at cake vodka
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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