It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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