Apparently you make a good broom.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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