walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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