He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
