Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
