I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
